27 Oct It’s going to cost you

I had a client once say that when I asked her what it would be like if nothing changed. She said, “That would be expensive.”

I immediately thought of money, but this conversation had nothing to do with that. It was about living in a way that, if nothing changed, it would be costly.

How expensive is the way you’re currently living?

Keeping your mouth shut when you have something to say. Continuing to do what you’ve always done while you’re exhausted, resentful, or feeling burnt out. Living a life that doesn’t feel in line with what you know is true. That whisper, or that shout: is this it?

We don’t often consider the cost of these things. We just keep going.

We are pattern beings, after all. The brain is lazy, or energy-saving, as some psychologists refer to it. We suffer from autopilot dominance.

About 65% of daily behaviours are driven by habits rather than conscious choice. Then there’s the 95%. Some studies suggest that up to 95% of cognitive activity, including thoughts, emotions, and habitual responses, occurs subconsciously, shaped by past experiences and conditioning.

To add to this, we have habit loops that follow a predictable pattern: cue, routine, reward.

Think getting ready for bed.

Cue: it’s time for bed. Routine: brush your teeth. Reward: a small dopamine release, a little “cookie” for the brain.

Needless to say, we are hardwired to form habits that initially help keep us safe, supported, and functioning. Financial independence. Stability. Even some joy along the way. Oh, I like this. This feels good.

Then we build a life around these patterns.

These patterns and habituated ways of moving through our days may serve us in the short term. But over time, what served us or worked in one decade may not feel fulfilling or rewarding in the next.

Life might start to feel empty, echoing with a lack of meaning and fulfilment.

And that, over the long haul, is expensive.

Eventually, it can cost you your life. The life that could have been rich and fulfilling slowly fades into the sunset, feeling meh, blah, that was okay, I guess.

That’s not how we’re meant to live this one precious gift of life.

We are meant to live, and live fully.

That’s joy.

So how do we switch things up?

First, with some grace. Then, with the science of resilience.

Take a face-down view of reality. Where are you, and where would you like to be?

You might even draw a timeline.

I am here. I want to be here.

Then start with your locus of control.

What can you control?

Do a control audit.

I can control…

That might look like where you live, what expenses you carry, and what career you stay in.

Then look across different areas of your life: relationships, finances, career, physical environment, anything that contributes to a life that feels balanced and fulfilling to you.

The next part of resilient thinking is bricolage, a French term that means using all available resources in creative ways.

For me, that looked like sitting down with my husband and asking the most honest question we could: what is the minimum we each actually need to earn — net — to live well and still save for retirement? The answer was $48,000 each. That number was clarifying in a way nothing else had been. It meant paid-off cars, mostly secondhand clothes, and rarely meals out. And it meant freedom — because once we knew the floor, we could make intentional decisions about everything above it.

Then check in from time to time.

How are you doing?

Just like running a business, we look at how we are moving towards our goals and achieving our strategic initiatives.

This won’t happen overnight. But over time, you’ll notice that you’re becoming more aware of where you want to be, breaking old habit loops, and being more intentional about investing in your life and what matters to you.

Slowly, you begin to reduce the cost of living a life out of alignment with who you are and what matters most.

And that’s where you may discover a wellspring of joy, filling your life with what really matters.

Why should I actually do this?

Because not doing it costs you your life.