10 May Why is this Happening to Me? | Instead of Asking Why, Ask These Two Questions Instead
Why is this happening to me?
This past week I’ve heard it a lot. WHY?
It’s perfectly normal to ask this question, but not always helpful.
If you’ve ever raised a two-year-old, you may have heard it a lot. At times it can help us learn. “Why can’t I get too close to the fire?”, a kiddo might ask. Just ask my sister how helpful this answer can be, who had her head of curls go up in flames while blowing out the candle on her bday cupcake when she was 4. Her “why’ was answered in a flash, literally. (She was ok, albeit bald for a bit, our older brother blew out her flaming hair before she got seriously burnt.)
BUT when you’re going through a hard time, asking why can cause you to go down a sludgy hole that’s not helpful.
Now, I know, you’re just trying to help out your brain by trying to help find the answer to your why. Of course you would want to decease it’s suffering and yours. Brains are always trying to find the missing piece of the puzzle because when something fits in a place where something was missing, you get a hit of dopamine that and that tells your brain you’re a genius and provides you with some blessed relief.
However, not everything in life is figureotable, and the puzzle piece never shows up, so we suffer in the Whys.
We need to tap into the wise parts of us, sounds the same, but brings about a more favourable result and stop suffering in this crappy hole that we are digging ourselves.
So when we are tempted to take a deep dive into the Whys and muck around there until our brains and hearts are weighed down even more, what can we do to help ourselves?
Ask not, Why, my beloveds, ask instead: What now? And what’s next?
This week’s Love at Lunch lays out the key pieces that go along with these seemingly simple yet deep questions. Enjoy!
Asking yourself “why is this happening to me?”, can be a natural reaction when things feel tough, but soon you may find yourself in an energy draining, life sucking vortex. Instead ask two questions that will help you move forward with less stress and greater ease.
Some wee layers to these questions, that deepen the intention are:
When you ask yourself ‘what now?’. This helps you to get grounded and be with what’s present for you. Add these steps to deepen the moment and create understanding.
- Permission to feel what you’re feeling.
- Acknowledge the feeling (drops the intensity of the feeling by 25% when you do).
- Lavish yourself with self compassion-talk to yourself like you would a suffering child.
- Decide what you want to believe about this situation, something like, “I will have whatever I need to move through this”.
Then what’s next? Move into action.
- I can…What can you do about this? Start with the first step.
- What am I learning in this situation?
- What’s one thing I can be grateful for despite how tough this is.
Play these two questions on rinse and repeat when things feel tough. Throw out the Whys and replace them with two questions that help you gain perspective and movement. You’ll be glad you did.
If you have been asking yourself “WHY is this happening to me” lately and it’s been bogging you down, try out the two questions listed above and tell me how that’s helped you. It will feel great to have some traction in those challenging places.
Lots of love, xoxo
P.S. As you know I am publishing a book called Finding your Joy Spot, giving you the resources we all need to find more joy, even in toughest spaces. It will be published in July and I would love for you to get on the pre-release list here: https://leonadevinne.com/findingyourjoyspot/ (no obligation to buy). You’ll get the first two chapters as a thank you and a chance to win some goodies in the next couple of months.